As a long-time aficionado of the Food Network, I have to admit that even 30 seconds of Rachael Ray always seemed like an eternity in Hell's Kitchen for me, what with her giggling at her own half-witticisms, her cutesy jargon (yummo and sammys) and her corner-cutting, pedestrian recipes. For my money, Anthony Bourdain struck the right note when he referred to her as a "bobblehead" and "freakazoid."
"She's a friendly, familiar face," he railed, "who appears regularly on our screens to tell us that 'even your dumb, lazy-ass can cook this!' She's selling us satisfaction, the smug reassurance that mediocrity is enough."
Wow, and I thought I was the most dyspeptic man in the word-trade. You go, Anthony! Tell us how you really feel. "She's hugely influential, particularly with children," Bourdain told Outside magazine a few years back. "And she's endorsing Dunkin' Donuts. It's like endorsing crack for kids. Juvenile diabetes has exploded — half of Americans don't have necks, and Rachael's up there saying, 'Eat some Dunkin' Donuts…..now that's evil."
Okay, on an ordinary day I would take great satisfaction in reading such sentiments, especially from a guy like Bourdain, who calls 'em like he sees 'em without hesitation or fear. But this morning I got wind of the aforementioned donut chain pulling a recent TV spot because their beloved spokesperson, Rachael Ray, was wearing a scarf that conservative commentators alleged looked like a keffiyeh (a sometime symbol of Palestinian heritage). "Absolutely no symbolism was intended," a Dunkin' PR flack stammered, "However, given the possibility of misperception, we are no longer using the commercial."
Thank conservative blogger Michelle Malkin for much of the furor. The smirking Fox News commentator claimed that Ray's accessory (as selected by a wardrobe person, and which turns out to be a paisley design) was "the traditional scarf of Arab men that has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad." Other right-wing bloggers took on the teapot-tempest and applied enough pressure to force DD's corporate hand. The irony is, five years ago bandwagon-hopping Malkin praised the same company for its worker screening program and its strict adherence to immigration laws (check out Keith Olbermann's screed on Malkin).
So why would she now bite the hand she once kissed so tenderly? Because Michelle Malkin never met a Klieg light she didn't love, is a shameless self-promotion machine and a knee-jerk opponent of anyone whose ideology is two degrees left of center. Even if Ms. Ray's scarf bore a passing resemblance to a garment worn ubiquitously throughout the Muslim world, don't think Ms. Malkin was actually offended — she just found it a convenient opportunity to make headlines for herself. Remember, she's the same scurrilous individual who claimed that John Kerry's Vietnam War wounds were "self-inflicted," i.e., he shot himself!
Rachael Ray, all is forgiven. I will in future always refer to extra virgin olive oil as EVOO, I will feed my dog your "Nutrish" line of pooch-food and will even try one of your disgusting recipes (Bacon-Wrapped Meatloaf Patties, anyone?). Hey, Michelle, you're invited for dinner that night. You too, Anthony! Rachael, you could make it a foursome — I'll even make hummus and tabbouleh as an appetizer! Salaam Alaikum to you fine folks — can't we all just get along?
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